So something sad happened. My dear friend's Mom passed away over the weekend, and she was fairly young in her mid 50's. So I heard that her funeral is being held tonight. I went back on forth if I should go or not. The only arguments for not going were awful things that made me feel guilty for even considering. My friend is important to me and I want to be supportive and show up.
Sorry The Bachelor finale, you'll just have to wait.
So I knew the right thing to do was of course plan to go. So when I asked Aaron last night if he would go with me, he just gave me a flat out no. This mildly infuriated me, and we still haven't spoken to each other since this conversation last night. But that isn't the point of this blog post.
I get really frustrated with being married at times. This isn't the first time Aaron has flat out refused to do something that I had assumed was a non-negotiable part of being married. If we are supposed to be living one life together, why must I have to go to events by myself? I don't know what Aaron's 'love language' is, but I know for a fact it isn't accompanying me anywhere he doesn't feel like going. And I guess I know my anger language is silence.
At times like these, I have to remember that marriage (at least in the Orthodox faith) is in part martyrdom. Death to ones-self for the benefit of the unit. It can be argued that one or both isn't being enough of a martyr to the other(I feel this way a lot), but all I can focus on is myself. I have no control over what the other half of my marriage chooses to do as much as I try.
So I think about that, and I think about my own failings as a wife. I could be more supportive and less critical. I could find something kind to say rather than a complaint. Less pride more gratitude. Am I just reaping what I sow? Maybe if I were a better loving wife, he wouldn't think twice about giving up his night just to make me happy.
That is just my two cents I wanted to throw out there in case anyone feels the struggles I have from time to time. It is very easy to point the finger at someone else in regard to a problem, but it is usually beneficial to take a look in a mirror first.
Cheers to love! lol