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Monday, March 11, 2013

Feelings


 
Happy Monday everyone.  I never really have posts lined up for things, I usually just write what is on my mind on the given day, so I am going with that today. 

So something sad happened.  My dear friend's Mom passed away over the weekend, and she was fairly young in her mid 50's.  So I heard that her funeral is being held tonight.  I went back on forth if I should go or not.  The only arguments for not going were awful things that made me feel guilty for even considering.  My friend is important to me and I want to be supportive and show up. 
Sorry The Bachelor finale, you'll just have to wait.

 
So I knew the right thing to do was of course plan to go.  So when I asked Aaron last night if he would go with me, he just gave me a flat out no.  This mildly infuriated me, and we still haven't spoken to each other since this conversation last night.  But that isn't the point of this blog post.
 
I get really frustrated with being married at times.  This isn't the first time Aaron has flat out refused to do something that I had assumed was a non-negotiable part of being married.  If we are supposed to be living one life together, why must I have to go to events by myself?  I don't know what Aaron's 'love language' is, but I know for a fact it isn't accompanying me anywhere he doesn't feel like going.  And I guess I know my anger language is silence.
 
At times like these, I have to remember that marriage (at least in the Orthodox faith) is in part martyrdom.  Death to ones-self for the benefit of the unit.  It can be argued that one or both isn't being enough of a martyr to the other(I feel this way a lot), but all I can focus on is myself.  I have no control over what the other half of my marriage chooses to do as much as I try. 
 
So I think about that, and I think about my own failings as a wife.  I could be more supportive and less critical.  I could find something kind to say rather than a complaint.  Less pride more gratitude.  Am I just reaping what I sow?  Maybe if I were a better loving wife, he wouldn't think twice about giving up his night just to make me happy. 
 
 
 
That is just my two cents I wanted to throw out there in case anyone feels the struggles I have from time to time.  It is very easy to point the finger at someone else in regard to a problem, but it is usually beneficial to take a look in a mirror first.
 
Cheers to love!  lol
 

 
 
 


2 comments:

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I feel that, from a male point of view, you should never be put in the position of having to go to something like that by yourself.

Amber said...

Oh I'm sorry Natalie. I hate to hear that about your mom and your husband. I feel the same way you do - I'd think he should go just because you need him. But, like you said there could be different circumstances. Praying for you!

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